Its always going to be hard sometimes.....

I miss my father today....he passed away more than five months ago and for some reason today it feels so raw again.....I vividly recall his smell those last few days....fresh pajamas, warm flesh....and I see him in front of me......breath.....breath.....breath......

He always described his bubbe as having a "shock of white hair" and in his last days, he looked the same way.......I felt sad.....but he looked beautiful.....

Death and birth.....right next to each other on the circle.......both gradual unfoldings......both struggles end in inevitability.....both endings ease suffering.......

Birth is better from our perspective, of course.....but perhaps that is simply because we don't understand.......or perhaps it simply is........

Dad, I miss you today and it has been clear for a while........its always going to be hard......sometimes.......

Love,

Me