Finally Photos

I have honestly been so busy that I haven't even had a chance to upload photos -- I have worked on a couple of blog posts but haven't posted them yet -- usually the blog posts I write take no more than 10 or 15 minutes to write but for some reason the ones I have been working on are more the "get clarity from writing" kind of posts that take me longer b/c its the process of writing that reveals what I really think about the thing that I'm writing about (instead of starting out with some thoughts and then just expounding on them). Anyway, what I really should say here is that after some harder days, today was an easier day...maybe b/c the big kids went to school and we are back to our routine. Yes, that is probably a big part of why I feel that way. No school and kids mean kid vacation days but it means I am really "on" those days (or at least I try to be) and it definitely more cooking, cleaning, and refereeing- Maybe its also b/c the kids got along very nicely b/f and after school today, because I got them to martial arts and swimming on time, and b/c I fed the kids dinner at the gym which means less cooking/clean up. Also impacting me was Silin's utterance of "night night" with a kiss on the lips to boot and a quick laying down to sleep.........sweet!

Update

(this was written last week but I forgot to post)

Well, what I've trying to do much of today is write a blog post about maximizing meaning. That is, I'm trying to remind myself of the big picture and to remember (or maybe convince myself) that the overwhelming amount of mundane tasks that I do all day each day serve a higher purpose. But currently that post is not ready for prime time and so I'll write about this instead....

Micah and Silin are becoming friends....

In a genuine way Micah and Silin are enjoying each other. Today it was ring around the rosy with Micah leading, team shape sorting with Micah identifying the slot and Silin pushing the shape in (she really still does not "get" the shape sorter -- I will talk to early intervention about this but it does concern me though just a little), Micah, Silin, and myself jumping and singing to a song that goes, "we're jumping, we're jumping, we're jumping....YEAH! (jump when you say "yeah"), Silin spontaneously going up to Micah to hug him and Micah liking it, and a long game with Silin in the lead of Silin running between the master bedroom and the boys' room with Emet's Webkin pet snake in tow and Micah following trying to keep up holding a plush Clifford. For a while Micah seemed pretty determined to not like Silin but clearly she's growing on him and that makes me happy. Honestly, I think when she catches up some, it will be even more fun for them. By nature, Silin seems very social and outgoing. Micah is pretty reserved. Somehow I think that Silin will help Micah to just relax and have fun, maybe even to be a little more social in ways that he might not otherwise be inclined. Those who are different from us can push us to explore the boundaries of our comfort zone and that's not always a bad thing (wink, wink, thanks Yami).....

The Shower Luxury

Part 1: I always know that I am in new kid mode when a shower becomes my biggest luxury. Its not that I couldn't take a shower with Silin home because I probably could (strategy...put lots of toys that she might want to play with in the bathroom, close my bedroom door, pray she'll be fine, then shower as fast as possible while trying to keep my extremely nearsighted eyes on her through foggy shower doors), its just that it feels easier to wait until she is in bed so that I can take my time and actually wash my body, my hair, use conditioner, and rinse thoroughly, i.e. take a long shower. At this moment, that is a luxury....

Part 2: Photos....I know that is what you are thinking....where are the photos? I promise....soon....Its just that I'm back to my Mac (oh, yes, hurray!) and the photos are on my netbook and I need to upload, etc. etc. .....excuses, excuses....I will post them soon!

Part 3: Silin is starting to repeat some English words: more, doggie, Elmo, kitty-meow, ball, beep beep, baby....she definitely understands many things as well like "go throw this in the trash", "go get your shoes" "let's go upstairs/downstairs".....Tomorrow we are off to the International Adoption clinic at Tufts to see the famous Dr. Miller.....I'll let you know how it goes.....

Part 4: I love my Mac (I think I said that already) but the battery on it sucks -- I think I've been on it for about 12 minutes and my battery is about to die....conclusion....I need a new battery for this laptop.....second conclusion.....I need to post this post mostly unedited and uncensored......here it goes.....

Table for Six

Last night was the first time we all went out to dinner as a family, the first time we asked for a table for six. We went to La Carretta, a Mexican restaurant that is about 25 minutes from our house. We've been there before with the boys several times and have our order down -- we order sides of rice, shrimp, beans, and tortillas for the boys (and now Silin too) and they have make-your-own burritos. Today they also all ate chips and salsa, honestly I never thought I'd see the day when Z would have salsa but he did, lots of it. Yami and I always have margaritas and some kind of seafood and rice dish. As a result of the margarita, when it came time for dessert, I couldn't resist and so we all shared some flan and fried ice cream....decadent for sure but no regrets here.....

Silin went on the swings the other day for the first time.....she really loved it and was all giggles and smiles (especially when she was in swinging sync with either M or Z). Today on the swing, she literally flailed her legs to try to go faster.....she is definitely not timid or reserved....she's feisty and lovely and lively....she is exactly as described in her paperwork and honestly, I feel so lucky to have been given the gift of parenting such a delightful kiddo. Also, I'm pleased to report that I think she is enjoying herself with us (though she probably wishes we lived somewhere warm as she is always quick to want to remove shoes, socks, and other clothes too if we'd let her....I think in Kaiyuan she probably didn't have to wear much much of the time.)

The other first is that I went back to the gym yesterday. Oh, how I miss the gym..... b/c obviously I wouldn't leave Silin with anyone besides Yami for a good long while, I'm only going to get to the gym on the weekends. During the week, walking outside is just going to have to do and in my hilly neighborhood a good 40 minute walk really does feel like exercise. That said, my body today was not able to do what it normally does....its amazing how fast we lose strength and flexibilty.....

Today, I took M and Silin to the playground. They spent a long time together on the tire swing and swinging in sync on the regular swings (taught by Z of this concept, M kept pronouncing that he and Silin "were married" when they were in perfect sync...so cute). M ran up and down the big sledding hill about 5 times, I did too but most of the time I was holding Silin and I was definitely out of breath by the end. Silin loved to slide and it is interesting to see that where M is timid, Silin is not, not at all. I think once her physical side catches up, she's going to be quite a daredevil....I think M is going to have to keep up with her! The thing is, and I think its very good thing, M is seeing that Silin can be a lot of fun. He doesn't know it yet, but I know that they are going to be close....in fact, right now they are both asleep in the van, just like Z and E used to do....bringing home Silin could not feel more right...its just so right and I am one very grateful Mama.........

When 4 is no longer 3+1

I kind of expected it to be a certain way for a while....it would be 3 boys and 1 girl, or 3 older(ish) kids and 1 young kid, or 3 settled kids and 1 new kid, but last night it was just 4 kids, my 4 kids, and that felt wonderful. I decided yesterday after school that I would take all the kids to Chuck E. Cheese if M would be OK with it....I would still take him on his own another day, I promised him, but there was no way to do that last night and so if he wanted to go, we were all going to go (minus working Yami , i.e. the reason I couldn't take M on his own but also the reason we could go at all) so, after piano lessons and some a nutrious snack of carrots, cheese and strawberries, I buckled up and took the plunge. Fifty dollars (steep, I know), two pizzas, and 120 tokens later, I think I can pronounce the outing a success. First, the boys were happy....they ran around, played ski ball, experienced some virtual reality rides, and came away with tickets. Second, I did not have to make or clean up dinner. Third, Silin was OK....I was really worried about all the stimulation and worried about over-stimulation. I worried about the lights and sounds, the noise, and all the other kids. All of that was fine. What I totally forgot about was Chuck E. himself. I forgot about him until he was standing next to my table and until I had a 2 yr. old monkey wrapped around my body clutching me for dear life. I told Chuck E. loudly to please leave b/c she was scared and he did (of course, it was before E could give him a punishing high-5 which made E a little upset). Silin seemed to recover quickly though the "trauma" did seem to induce her to pass out in her carseat afterwards. So far she's been sleeping all night (I've been dancing with Jetlag since 3 a.m.)......and, in fact, the 3 boys have slept through as well ....sometimes they still may be 3 +1 but not always, and as long as its not always then I know that we're headed in the right direction.....

The New Mix

Things are going well, better than I expected.  Silin slept through the night, we all had a play session in her room before bed last night, and I discovered a spontaneous "I love Silin" written on the chalkboard downstairs (I think by E).  That said, the relationship with M is still in need of more healing....he mentioned a trip to Chuck E. Cheese and I think that would do wonders for him....I'm going to leave the other kids at home and take M out for some one-on-one fun.

 

Silin and M took a bath together the other night and what do you know, she pooped in the bath....poor M.  I got him out as soon as I saw what was happening but still.  E is definitely stepping up in the big brother role and its pretty clear that Silin is enamored with all of them.

 

Today Silin had her first music class at Nini Bambini run by my friend Nina and she also had her first check-up with the pediatrician.  She loved music class and as for the doctor's, well, she didn't love that but she did fine and upon initial examination she looks great.  I received forms and containers for lab work and she will have a complete work up which I'm hopeful will reveal nothing of concern. 

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Grateful, honestly, there is no word that better describes how I feel.  How did I get so lucky.....  I always said to God to please just keep me well and I will always try to use my life to do good, to serve, to try to live in accordance with my highest self.  To be born free and in this time, to not have to struggle just to eat, to have my health, to be blessed with family and friends, my life is rich.  I do not take this for granted.  At any moment everything could change.  But while it is this way, I intend to appreciate it and to live up to my obligation to live fully and to participate in the mending of this world, even if in only in  small ways because what I know is that small things done by many are no longer small things.....

The most interesting thing I heard in China

I've been meaning to write about this for days.....my guide in Kunming who is a 35 yr old dad of a 3 year old girl told me that in the cities they having a saying these days...."a girl is a bank and a boy is a robber." Under the one child policy, families (with few exceptions) can only have one child but he went on to explain that many families now prefer girls who "will bring them everything" because a boy, he said, takes everything. You definitely get the sense that with 2 parents and 4 grandparents taking care of 1 child, the child often gets quite spoiled. There are definitely plenty little emperors being carried around China well after the age when we'd expect kids here to walk.....and maybe the boys are more indulged then the girls. Well, I don't know how I feel about the analogy...it seems quite silly....children can be taught values and parents have an obligation to not let them think they are the center of the universe....on the other hand, if all one's hopes and dreams are placed upon one single child, I really can understand how this indulgence can happen. As much as I will always try to appreciate China, its history and its people, I'm grateful that I was born in America....a one child policy for me would have left me with a very heavy heart....

A tough evening

I'm going on the record to say that tonight was tough, really tough with Silin. She did not want to be put down while I was trying to cook dinner and she didn't want anyone else to hold her but me. She wanted to eat but not in her seat and she was very upset that she couldn't carry an open yogurt around the house. She had a few temper tantrums that didn't last too long but they were long enough. She is wonderful and I am so grateful for her but there are moments that are tough and as much as I prepared for them, when its happening its really unpleasant.

Luckily, I got to go for a very nice walk today with M and E (we pushed Silin in the stroller and thanks to E's pushing I sometimes had my hands free to hold M's hand). She said her very first real word, "doggie" which sounded like "dah-gie" and we saw many of them today on our walk. When she sees a dog she makes the cutest "woo woo woo woof" sound. She really seems to like them and was not afraid when my friend Mimi's dog, Howie, came close to her.

Tomorrow is going to be the first day that I have to pack lunches and get kids off to school with Silin home....oh, wish me luck....I'm going to need it!

Fun at home

Here they are having a little welcome-home, nice-to-meet you fun.....

Today, M is having some sad moments and I know he will adjust but its going to take time.....its his first time having to be the big brother......

Goodbye China, Hello Hong Kong and our trek home to the USA

On Thursday, November 12th, Yami and I went with our guide, Wenci, to pick up Silin's visa. Without a visa, Silin could not travel to the U.S. Silin fell asleep on the ride which was good b/c it was raining and I had to sit with the driver for over an hour in the van while Yami and Wenci were in the American consulate.

The visa process went smoothly and afterwards the driver brought us to the train station. Wenci helped us check 3 big suitcases with the porter and gave us our tickets. She took us upstairs to wait for the train. The train to Hong Kong only took about 2 hours and it was pretty interesting to see some towns, factories, and rural farms along the way. What I see is that there are many Chinese people who are living relatively comfortably, a middle class Chinese lifestyle (not to be compared to our American ideals of families with a house and two cars) but there are also plenty of people who are living in poverty and many Chinese are paying the price of rapid development in the form of birth defects as a result of pollution and a lower quality of life living in all that smog.

Hong Kong, on the otherhand is the most modern city I've ever seen. The buildings are new and impressive. It is truly an international city with people from all over the world. People speak English and Cantonese and all the young people speak Mandarin as well (school is taught in Mandarin). In our airport hotel, there were many Europeans, a few Americans, Chinese from mainland China, Turks, and Arabs. Hong Kong is a place that I would love to go back to and explore again someday.

After two bumpy flights, one from Hong Kong to San Franciso and one from San Fran to Boston, we made it. Grandpa Tree was there to greet Silin and I and so was Lillian, the director of our agency (China Adoption With Love). I cannot thank Grandpa, Nancy and Flo, and Shoba enought for all their help and support while we were gone. I also can't thank Lillian and Meg from CAWLI enough.....they are amazing. Lillian called us several times to check in on how Silin was doing while we were in China.....we are so blessed to have found this agency....

Now the boys are home and they are pushing Silin around on a little push fire engine....they all seem incredibly happy.....while this bliss lasts, I'm going to enjoy it!

Picture to follow soon.......

Trip to the Buddhist Temple

Today all the babies were brought to the local Buddhist temple (Six Baiyun Temple) for a blessing by the monk.  We walked around the temple grounds and I talked to our guide about Buddhism in China.  It sounds like some people come to the temple a few times each week to hear a lecture or attend a class. Other, less "strict" Buddist come occasionally.  The temple itself is about 600 years old and has 6 Banyan trees in it (we have these trees where I was raised in FL-- they are big and their roots grow down into the ground-- though the trees at the temple weren't quite as large as others I've seen). 

 

Tomorrow we head off to Hong Kong for the long journey home.  Though I am not looking forward to two long flights with a toddler, I am very much ready to go home.  First I miss the boys beyond belief and secondly, if I don't stop eating at the White Swan buffet I'm going to really be in trouble :)

 

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Market adventure and the red couch

Today, Tuesday November 10th was a big day.  We ventured across the bridge off Shamian island into the market for the locals.  It was possible to buy dried snake and sea horses, water bugs, and many many unidentifiable edible (to the locals) goods.  I did buy some saffron -- 10 bottles of it for about $4.50 and the couple we were with bought a big bag of goji berries  -- the back alleyways were full of people, dirt, and even blood from slaughtered chickens. 

 

We also took the traditional red couch photos where all the babies in the group get dressed in traditional clothing and take a photo together.  It was chaos and it was evident that the photographer had no children b/c he was waiting for all the babies to be calm and looking at the camera at the same time....yeah, right......

 

I saw some photos of Silin from a week ago-- honestly, she looks a year older now....maybe its all that food she's eating....

 

We went by bus to the US consulate today and had to sign a document in front of the clerk -- we also took an oath to certify that all our paperwork was correct -- Silin's visa will arrive on Thursday and once we land and get through immigration in San Franciso, she will be an American citizen.....the journey is almost over but our life with Silin has just begun.... when she saw the boys on Skype today, she blew kisses to them and said "Guh Guh" over and over (Chinese for brother) -- I really think she's going to be excited to meet them in person and I know that the bigger boys are really excited to meet her as well....(as far as Micah goes, he is just too young to get it but ultimately I think that she'll be a good playmate for him as well)

 

We really are missing everyone back home -- just a few more days to go.......

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A good report and some fun outside

This morning I took Silin to have her TB test read.  I knew she was negative b/c she showed no reaction at all.  That was great news.  There were 2 other children that went with us and both of their tests showed a huge reaction -- their parents had to pay 600 Yuan (almost $100) for a chest Xray and moreover, when they get home they will need 9 months of antibiotics which is followed closely by their local health departments.  We have been nothing short of lucky on this trip (except for the one flightmare)-- I hope the rest of the journey is as smoothe.  Yesterday we found out that one of the people in our group has a hernia -- they almost wanted to operate on him here but are now saying he can return and have the operation done in the U.S.

 

I took Silin to the playground this morning -- its in a little park on the island.  There were many older people doing Tai Chi.  The first time we took her she had absolutely no idea what a slide was.  She was scared to go up the steps and she just watched the other kids.  The second time we went she didn't seem quite as afraid.  She was still scared to climb the steps of the slide but she let me put her on top of it and hold her on the way down.  Today, I let her go on the slide many many times and by the end, she could climb up the stairs on her own, still needed help sitting down, but then would push herself down and I would catch her at the bottom as she giggled in delight.  Progress....we are making progress for sure!  She is still mommy shopping which I completely expected -- that is, to her I am still just caregiver #143 or something like that.  If I let her, she'd probably let anyone hold her, help her down the slide, feed her, ect.  but I'm not letting that happen.  We will make progress on this front too.  One day she will get it....there is something different about Yami and I, we are non-fungible goods!!

 

By the way, I went shopping again today and I stink at bartering....I really do....I only get the things I like and I've managed to get small discounts but I am certain that there is much more room to bargain.  Thing is, I don't want to walk out if they don't meet my price b/c the things I'm buying I actually really want.  So, like I said yesterday, I'm OK with it.  Next time we get to China, I'll be more experienced.....

 

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Photos from the first days on Shamian Island/White Swan Hotel

 

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First Days in Guanzhou

Silin had her visa physical and all is well -- she is healthy and the discoloration in her eyes should not present any problems at all according to 3 seperate doctors who saw her.  We are very grateful.  I'm posting some photos here of Shamian island....we are having a very nice time here, are eating well (I don't know who said we'd lose weight in China), and are walking plenty.  We are shopping for souveniers -- today I bought some art, a set of Chinese pajamas for Silin, and a little something for the boys.  We are suppose to bargain hard and I'm trying a bit but honestly, I don't mind paying $6 for shoes -- how much bargaining am I going to do at that rate.  I'm starting to miss home....I'm enjoying the trip and I know the transition when we get back is not going to be easy especially with all the jetlag but I miss the boys (though not the cold....the weather here is tropical and for me, well, that's definitely greatly preferred)

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Our last day in Kunming and onto Guangzhou

It is Saturday morning now and I am posting some of yesterday's sights from Kunming.  It was our last morning there and so Yami and I walked around and took in the pulse of the city.  At 3:00 we headed off to the airport bound for Guangzhou, the place where all American families who adopt do the American piece of the adoption and get their child's visa.  We were very lucky in that Silin's passport arrived yesterday afternoon as we were a day late submitting the paperwork -- our guide literally brought it to us at the airport so that we could check in....phew....

 

On my flight to Guangzhou there were about 7 other families who had just adopted in Kunming.  I knew of this group but when we were in Kunming we did not see them at all.  In fact, I did not see any other adoptive families in Kunming and very few Westerners (walking on both Thursday and Friday, we saw not a single Westerner in all our hours walking-- it was an interesting experience to be such a minority and certainy we got a lot of stares from people looking at us with Silin).

 

When we landed in Guangzhou, the guide met me as I came out of the baggage area.  Yami had flown in an hour earlier (we never fly together when the kids aren't with us) and he came and found me and the guide.  A driver and van was waiting and we were taken for the 40 minute drive to our hotel, The White Swan, the first 5 star hotel built in Guangzhou.  Smelly and tired from the long day, the arrival at that hotel was a great relief (especially b/c Silin was on Yami's lap the whole time-- no car seats in China).  The hotel is luxurious, on the Pearl River, on Shamian Island here in Guangzhou.  Guangzhou is something like L.A., huge, trendy...the highways are big and completely modern....this city makes quite an impression.  But Shamian island is quaint and small and lovely.....I am looking forward to spending the week here.

 

Today, we go for Silin's visa physical.  I don't know why but I'm a little worried. Silin has some hyperpigmentation in her eyes which we were unaware of....we did know that she had a large birthmark which covers her entire back - we think that its just a Mongolian spot but we will bring her for a complete physical when we return to the States.  Whatever it is, we will handle.  She is our daughter and she is perfect for us.....whatever we need to do for her, we will do. Yami said yesterday that the adoption doesn't really happen until she chooses us as her parents.  And I think I see that starting to happen.  When she gets hurt, she is starting to come for us for comfort.  She is able to walk away from us for a few seconds but then turns around to make sure that we are still there.  These are good signs.  We want her to attach to us, to not turn to any random stranger to have her needs met, she needs to know that there is something special about a mommy and daddy; we are not shift workers, we will be there for her for the rest of our days.......

 

 

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