Growing Pains

When its 5:30 a.m. and I'm exausted I know that this is just going to have to be a get-through kind of day. Do what I need to do. Take naps when possible. "Hang on, breathe deeply, be kind to yourself"....that's what I would tell a friend.

This is about the trip. Because as much as I look forward to meeting our daughter and holding her in my arms, what I look forward to more (even though I expect it to be potentially quite challenging) is to getting back home to the boys, to our life, to a routine (of course, given our addition, it will be a new routine and a newish life).

Everything is about to change and that propect usually leaves me in something other than a calm relaxed state.....despite the fact that that state is what I most need at the moment.

We are leaving the boys and that is the elephant in the room. Fifteen days is a long time and though I know they are in good hands, it is simply the hardest thing. Never without them for more than 2 days I worry how they'll do. I worry how I'll do.

Its's OK, I tell myself. Try to be present in this experience. And I am trying (though I'm not sure how sucessfully).

"They don't call it labor for nothing," I was told about birth. Well, this feels like a labor of sorts.....the reward at the end is great and for that I am incredibly grateful but that doesn't mean that its not a lot of hard work and that its not painful at times......

Please dear One, get me to China, and please bring me back home safely. Please let the boys be OK and let Silin have an easy adjustment. That is my morning prayer today.

Sometimes the hardest thing is exactly what is needed for growth of the soul.....I hope that is what is happening here.....