Oh, the red thread....

I wasn't really going to explain the red thread thing here....if you are in the China adoption world, you've heard about the red thread over and over again, but I think I'm going to briefly explain for those of you who aren't familiar with the China adoption world because you're going to hear about the red thread eventually and I might as well be the one to fill you in....so, here it goes.....

In Chinese, there is an ancient proverb that goes like this.... "An invisible red thread connects those that are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."

And so here is our red thread connection.....although adoption had occurred to me from time to time as a someday idea, one day I woke up and knew I had to call the adoption agency..... I didn't know at the time and in fact I didn't know until we saw Silin's paperwork more than 2 years later that that day I called the agency was 5 days before Silin was brought to the orphanage in China....one week after she was brought to the orphanage, I was sitting in the adoption agency beginning the process....it was as if I felt that I had a daughter waiting for me in China --

Our paperwork was mailed to China on my birthday in 2008 and very soon after we had our log-in-date (LID) -- 8/18/08 (a very lucky number in Chinese b/c of all the 8's)

Fast forward to just a few days ago-- China says we can be Silin's parents on 9/9/09, the day I first became a parent to my oldest who became 9 that day, and then our agency tells me we will likely leave on either my youngest or middle son's birthdays --

Silin is my daughter in the way that my boys are my sons. She didn't grown in me and I'm sorry for whatever circumstances that made her Chinese parents unable to care for her but given that that is the situation, she is meant to be my daughter....there is simply no question....and so that is what people would call the red thread connection in a nutshell.......stretched or tangled......but never broken.......

The name puzzle.....

So, after some consultation with others and sleeping on it over night (or not-sleeping-well on it, a subject for another post), I think that legally her name will be Silin....people shared that they thought having a hyphen or two first names would be difficult and I feel like Silin would concur and so there it is.... Just, fyi, her middle name is "Bria" after my father who's initials were B.R. and so now the name puzzle is complete...... Silin Bria R (my maiden name, her second middle name that all our kids have but don't use) Baker......

Si Lin, Si-Lin, SiLin, Silin

I was asked by the social worker at our agency what we were going to name Si Lin and I told her that we were going to keep her name. But, then I got a tougher question....would I hyphenate so her name would read "Si-Lin" and people wouldn't just call her "Si"? And that raises a question tonight and the answer has yet to present itself -- what is the right thing to do? Part of me thinks I should give her the name she was given as it was given to her. The character pronounced as "Si" means 'thinking about' and the second character of her name, "Lin" means 'jem' in Chinese. This is her name -- why change it? She is leaving her country behind and her first home, seems only fair to let her keep her name as is. Then I think about what its like to have an unusual name here -- with Davida everyone assumed I was David until they saw me. Yami whose given name is actually Iyamoro had it even harder. So, Miss Si Lin for now, what do we do? Si Lin, Si-Lin, SiLin, or Silin.....could you think it over and let Mommy know in the morning....that would really help me out......

Dawn

I'm up early this morning.....I think it was 4:22 a.m. when I got out of bed and I know I was up a little bit in the middle of the night.....its dawn now and I'm pretty sure its my favorite time of day.... its quiet and I have some time alone with just my thoughts....I'm sure one of the boys will be up soon but oh, for now......

I feel bad that I haven't been responding to comments on the blog. Actually, until now, I just didn't know how to but I think I've figured it out and I will be better about this......

I know that today already holds some business....two soccer games, two team photos, a trip to the gym for me, and preparation for Isaiah's party tomorrow (bowling alley/store bought cake....see I'm letting go...this is a far cry from the year I baked 9 individual planets to present as the solar system -- (remember when Pluto still had status?))

Well, child #1 is up and there goes the end of the quiet.....that's OK, I had my time this morning, and some day, I'll have nothing but.......

Fwd: This is just a test!

>
> Well, I was told to try to this out b/c it might be the only way to
> blog from China -- so here we go-- attaching a photo of Si Lin as
> well --
>

Our LOA is here!!!!

I got a call yesterday from our agency congratulating us -- our letter of approval (LOA) arrived at the agency (the LOA is China's way of saying that we can be Si Lin's parents, that we meet all the requirements, etc.)

So, yesterday, exactly 9 years after we became parents for the first time, on our oldest son's 9th birthday, on 9-09-09, we became parents again!!! I am feeling truly blessed.....

It looks like we will travel very late October or early November (funny, two of the dates our agency mentioned have us leaving on either M's birthday (10/22) or E's birthday (11/5) -- I hate to miss any birthday but we will simply have to celebrate by Skype if we are in China -- and I know that Bubbe and Grandma will have a celebration while we are away!

9 on 9-9-09

Happy birthday to you, I K Rubin Baker! Nine years ago today you made us parents and changed our lives forever. We wish that all your dreams come true and that you help make this world a little better...... We simply could not love you more, darling boy, and we will always be here to support you and your dreams..........

XOXOXOXOXO

A Language All Their Own.....

It appears that Em and M have their own language......I know what you are thinking...ridiculous, preposterous.....I know you are thinking this because that's what I thought too......at first.....

A few months back Em and M were chatting with each other in the bath in what sounded to me like utter gibberish....lots of syllables strung together with mother-ease exaggerated intonation......

Of course, I thought that they were simply playing around and when there was a pause in their conversation, I inserted my own Em/M sentence into the mix.....well, Em looked at M and then he looked at me and what he said was, "that makes no sense".........I was pretty much stunned, then all I could do was laugh....

This morning, I found the two of them sitting on the steps, Em's arm around M, speaking their language in turns, giggling and clearly having a very good time....When we were almost out the door, Em started speaking to me in the language and when he could see that nothing registered he started to translate for me......a few seconds later he looked at me and said, "when you live with us for a while longer, like 2-3 years, you'll start to understand".......hysterical.......

How was the first week of school?

Its always good to celebrate with ice cream......here we're celebrating the first week of school.....

Wiped at 9:00 a.m. -- huh?

So, after being up for a while in the middle of the night, I slept all the way to 6:30 a.m. this morning and then got up. Now its 9:00 a.m. and I already feel wiped....here's why:

today, so far, I.....

1. got up and went downstairs to find Isaiah on the couch

2. got some coffee and went to chat with him for a bit....talked about his birthday (tomorrow) and party (Sunday)

3. gave Isaiah breakfast

4. went upstairs and got dressed, threw in a load of laundry, grabbed the kids some socks

5. emptied the dishwasher and begun taking lunch supplies out of the fridge

6. wrote an e-mail to the boys' teacher

7. prepared 3 containers of snacks, 4 water bottles, 2 bottles of milk for school

8. made sandwiches, filled laptop lunch containers, gave each kid a napkin and place mat, filled school bags with snack and drink, put lunch boxes by the door

9. said "good morning to Emet and Micah" and gave them breakfast

10. brushed Micah's teeth and supervised the big kids brushing their own

11. had a discussion with Micah why he had to go to school, put him in his bed after he called me a "stupid idiot"......yes,not quite four but what a vocabulary.....

12. replied to some info requests on one of my listserves

13. took out recycling and a few items to donate

14. herded children into car and drove to school and back

OK, now I can breathe.....and now I don't quite feel so bad that I feel wiped....I did do a lot in 2.5 hrs.....the only thing is, all I really am is back to square 1.......I guess that's the life of a mother.......

I do wonder whether I'll be able to handle it all when Si Lin comes home.....I've done it before and I know I'll do my best to do it again......its just that often something has to give and sometimes it feels like its my sanity........of course I really am ready for her to come home and when she does perhaps I can get some of the school stuff ready the night before so in the morning there is less to do......

Do you think today will be the day for LOA? 83 days and waiting.......

We want our sister now!

Here they are: the 3 boys and Miss Si Lin!

Its always going to be hard sometimes.....

I miss my father today....he passed away more than five months ago and for some reason today it feels so raw again.....I vividly recall his smell those last few days....fresh pajamas, warm flesh....and I see him in front of me......breath.....breath.....breath......

He always described his bubbe as having a "shock of white hair" and in his last days, he looked the same way.......I felt sad.....but he looked beautiful.....

Death and birth.....right next to each other on the circle.......both gradual unfoldings......both struggles end in inevitability.....both endings ease suffering.......

Birth is better from our perspective, of course.....but perhaps that is simply because we don't understand.......or perhaps it simply is........

Dad, I miss you today and it has been clear for a while........its always going to be hard......sometimes.......

Love,

Me

Missing Miss Si Lin

Alright Si Lin, I miss you. There really isn't much else to say about this except that I hope that China sends our approvals soon and that we can come and bring you home....its time. I look at your picture each day.....its been three months since we saw your beautiful face. M keeps describing it as "two more yeses" and thats about right.....we need our LOA (letter of approval -- we've been waiting about 79 days now for that) and then we need the TA, travel approval. I'm trying to be patient....I really am....but there you still are....waiting.....will you know what it means to have a mommy and daddy.....how can you know? We will show you.....we will love you....we will be there for you....its time for you to have a family, for daddy and I to have a daughter, and for your brothers to have their sister home.....it really is time.......

Feast or Famine

I read a post today on one one my China adoption yahoo groups that was in response to a mother who was having bedtime struggles with her child....you know, one more story, one more glass of water, the kind of thing that happens with all kids who really don't want to be in bed yet. The woman responding was the mother of kids in their twenties (as well as probably to some toddlers given that its a toddler adoption yahoo group) who was lamenting that her big kids no longer come to her at night...they are too busy with their homework or friends or whatever they have going on....but they are not coming to her. She described it as "feast or famine" and I understand......

This morning it took a lot for me to get the kids off to school....I'm not quite sure why.....all was well until I did something to upset E (turned off a light while he was still in the basement) and that kind of sent him over the edge -- I have to admit I already felt like on was on the edge after a lonnngggg impromptu drum and screechy recorder session "performed" by Z and E that made me feel like a Grateful Dead jam session was skipping on a record over and over.......I'm not sure why I encouraged their musical exploration to begin with buying them tons of instruments at a young age including drums, bells, and all sorts of other noise making mechanisms......call me a grump, call me lame, but I confess, in general, I like it relatively quiet.....its not that I don't want to be around them, I enjoy being around them and usually it feels just right....but when the volume starts to increase and the noise is relentless, I kind of wish the floor could open and they could fall into their own soundproofed playroom below so I could be spared.....

Now they are at school......its quiet here.....feast or famine......the quiet is good for a little while....I'm going to try to enjoy it.... in fact, I really will because later today its back to feast.......

Here she is!!!

So, its been a while since I've posted but now I just want to let everyone know that we have a daughter.  She is waiting for us in Yunnan province in China.  Two days ago we got an update on her and new photos -- she looks wonderful, very happy!!!  Here's some of the new info we received: 

1. Does Si Lin still take a bottle? if so, with formula or milk?

Si Lin takes a bottle of formula every night before she goes to sleep.

2. What makes her happy?

Watch cartoon or listen to music.

3. Is she toilet trained or does she wear diapers?

She can sit on the potty herself now.

4. What soothes her when she is upset?

She likes someone to hold her when she is upset.

5. Is there anything I should know about her bedtime routine so that I can make sleep easy for her?

She is good sleeper. She goes to bed at 9:00pm every night.

6. Could you tell me the names of any nannies or other children she is particularly close to in the orphanage? (also, when we send our care package we will send a camera and if its possible I would love photos of her with the people she is close to).

Si Lin is fairly extroverted. She gets along well with all the children and nannies.

7. Do you know who chose Si Lin’s name and why it was chosen?

It was chosen by me (the person who sent me update- Ms. Wang).

8. Does Si Lin have a nickname(s)?

No nickname. We call her Si Lin.

9. Is there anything else we should know about Si Lin so that we can prepare to be the best parents possible for her?

Si Lin is a lively lovely girl. You will like her.

10. Does the orphanage need anything in particular?  We would like to send gifts-- could you let us know the numbers of babies, children, and nannies –

No matter what you bring, we appreciate your kindness.

 11. Her updated measurements:

Height: 84cm; Weight： 8.5kg; Head: 47cm; Chest: 48cm; Teeth: 15; Foot: 15cm.