But, of course.....

Today, after my sister read my last post, she called me. She told me that my father had seen my grandmother (my mother's mother) in the week or two before his death. In fact, what she actually said is that my father called my mother, "Minnie (my grandmother's name)" and told her that she had such a kind face.....my mother then had to say "Bernie, Bernie, its Helen" for my father to come out of his altered state of perception.

I don't know much more than that about what happened but I will tell you that I forgot to mention that in the NPR interview of the researchers, they specifically mentioned that the dying person usually sees a dead relative that is often a parent but sometimes is an in-law. My grandmother was a very special woman (and I know most people think that about their grandmothers) but from all accounts she was a truly special, generous, kind, woman....the stories go that she used to leave sandwiches and clothes for the mailman and helped clothe many others without anyone else knowing (my grandfather was in the clothing business). I'll have to ask my mother the specifics again about these stories.....

What I will also say is that when my grandmother died I had just turned six and that I was truly devastated. I remember my mother and Aunt Renee coming into the kitchen to tell us and I remember that I sort of collapsed onto the 70's gold refrigerator and sobbed. I don't remember very much after that but I very clearly remember that I would see her in my dreams. She was either with my grandfather in my idea of heaven and they would both be looking down at me smiling surrounded by stars or else she was alone and waiting for me at the bus stop with a navy dress and a broach. I remember she would massage my fingers to help them grow nice and long for the piano. I also remember that she had the most wonderful upper arms to play with....they were warm and flabby in the best sense....they jiggled and provided me with lots of fun and Mimi never really seemed to mind. The last thing that comes to mind is that I went to visit her in the hospital after she had had a stroke. She was eating a piece of chicken and she dropped it and said something to me like, "your silly grandmother can't hold a piece of chicken." She put me at ease in the stark cold hospital with its unsettling odors and like she did with so many others, she showed me unselfish kindness. For that and for the memories of it, tonight I am grateful.

As for my father, I don't know what really happened when he "saw" my mother as my grandmother. I do know that my mother, like her mother has a beautiful, kind nature (some people affectionately call her St. Helen). But, it doesn't really matter what happened then. What is a pleasant surprise is that my father had an end-of-life experience of some sort and that I now know about it....some how I find that comforting....

And by the way, I tried without any success to find this npr interview so I could post a link here but I simply can't find it. I'll try again.....I do know what time I was listening, I'm just not sure which npr station I was listening to......